she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I want to be your penis for a week.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
