she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
