at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
