i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
