i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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