Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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