By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
