Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
