he told me I talked like a deaf person
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
