Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
