i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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