I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
