i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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