last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Please don't give away my fajitas
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
