Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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