there's paper in my vomit.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
