Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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