Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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