i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
