My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
