I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
