If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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