I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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