I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
