Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
