just tell him i said nine months
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
