I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
