i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
