the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
