Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
