I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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