we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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