i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
