umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
