I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
