i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Enjoy the penises
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
