There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
