From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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