drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
