I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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