i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
