I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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