You can't special order awesome
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
