i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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