Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
