Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
