It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
false alarm, still single
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