I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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