I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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