Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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