What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
